I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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