so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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