I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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