Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
