Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
