literally had 100 drinks last night.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize