dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
