You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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