It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
