pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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