96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We need a shit load of segways right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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