Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
