do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
