is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
