you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
