Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
