she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
