Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
