you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
