i would punch a child for taco bell
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize