Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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