If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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