Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
