Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
