saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
