drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize