is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i love accidental penises.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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