R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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