As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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