i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
