in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
