Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
