Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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