Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
