do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
