nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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