I didn't shave. On purpose
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
