I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
