She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I touched a dick in church today
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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