You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize