ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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