New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
