Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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