He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
