Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
