I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize