Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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