drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
