Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize