Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
