Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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