i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
