i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
