How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
