Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
