I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
