PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
