I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
