Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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