you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
