...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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