He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
