True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
