Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
